fear of the night

Anxieties of the Night

Eighteen years ago I almost died from a disease that cause my organs to fail and my skin to fall off. Here’s what I wrote in my journal on the first night life began to normalize:

“Last night was the first night off meds–pain meds, sleeping meds, antibiotic meds–every hour filled with itching, skin falling off, twinges of pain in the knee, and, as you might imagine, anxiety.

“With decades of studying about, relating to, walking with, and telling others about “Our Father” in my life, I was able to focus my thoughts on a comforting phrase from the New Testament–Abba Father (Romans 8:15). This is an endearing and intimate title for God the Father that could be translated, “Father, my own dear Father.” It is the title a child uses to relate to a father when the child knows that he or she is dear to Him, the one He delights in.

“So, last night was so much more than a night of malaise. It was a night I spent on my Father’s lap, talking with Him about my fears, feelings, and hurts. It is the upside of suffering for the child of God–deepening intimacy with Abba Father.”

Question: How have you experienced God’s grace in the midst of suffering? I’d love to hear your story.