My heart pounded as I turned to page 11 and begged God for Jim’s soul. The Lord had used this manual, Beginning In Grace, mightily in the lives of so many men just like Jim. I wrote it years ago and each time I finished Lesson 1, How to Have a Relationship With God, I would turn to page 11 and say, “The Bible teaches that you can have a relationship with God by believing in Jesus Christ His Son. You have read these verses yourself, we’ve talked about God’s love for you, Christ’s death on the Cross as payment for your sin, and your need to believe in Him as your Savior.”

Then I would look at the man sitting across the table and ask, “Have you believed in Jesus?”

I always marveled that God would use me, and this little book to persuade men of their need for a Savior. Sometimes the men I met with needed help understanding the free gift of eternal life, but page 11 was the point in our time together each would put their trust in Jesus.

Until today. This would be the fourth Tuesday in a row that I had brought Jim to page 11. As he stood at the threshold of heaven and hell, of abundant life and the misery of life apart from God, of forgiveness and guilt, he couldn’t bring himself to turn to God.

“I’m just not ready yet,” he would tell me.

I looked him in the eye and asked, “Jim, will you believe in Jesus?”

His answer broke my heart, “I can’t. I’m afraid.”

The Way of Love

That’s the way it is with love. Someone can love you more than you will ever even know—as Jesus loves you—enough to die on the Cross in your place. But if you are afraid of this love, you will never trust enough to experience it.

(more…)

Ricky was the most popular guy in our fourth grade culture—smart, admired by all the girls, good in sports, and hip in that grade school kind of way. Everyone wanted to be Ricky’s best friend.

And I was…for about three days.

I remember how great it felt living in that wonderland of being the renowned Ricky’s best friend. We did everything together and he consulted me on every decision or opinion.

“What do you think, Eddie?”

“Ask Eddie. He’s really smart.”

It seemed that the other boys and girls admired me almost as much as him. When Ricky and I walked onto the playground we were important. I was living a dream until the day I rode my bike into the schoolyard and noticed “him.”

Randy

Where did he come from? Suddenly Ricky’s world was all about Randy and I faded back into the crowd—a regular nobody.

And then Ricky turned to me and called me “Underwood” instead of “Eddie.” That did it. I screamed in Ricky’s face, “I don’t need you!” I shouted it again and again as I ran from Ricky’s fan club to hide my tears.

It wasn’t the last time I said that to somebody: “I don’t need you!”

With almost six decades of life behind me now, I’m beginning to understand what I was really saying to Ricky and to everyone else on the receiving end of my desperate claim to independence, “I don’t need you!”

“I don’t need you” always expresses a wounded heart. It really means, “I cannot trust you, and therefore I determine not to need you. Your love is self-centered, conditional, disappointing, and hurtful. I long to need you, but I will not! Better not to need at all than to need and be hurt.”

Could it be that you’re thinking of someone you have determined not to need? A father who used or spurned your innocent love? A mother who let you know you would never measure up? A pastor whose love always had more to do with what you could do for him than what God could do for you? A spouse or friend who betrayed you? A prodigal child? A family member who just won’t let you in?

Friend, your heart will never heal in the shadow of a lie. It isn’t that you don’t need these people, it’s that they have hurt you so badly that it takes your breath away.

A Healthier Option

May I offer a healthier option to screaming, “I don’t need you” and running across the playground of your life?

Run to Jesus. Run to His the throne of grace and scream in your heart or at the top of your lungs, “Jesus, I need you!”

And stay there as long as it takes to trust and feel His healing love melt away the bitterness and relieve the hurt.

His is a love that will never disappoint because it’s a love without an agenda, without conditions and all about you.   It’s a love you can trust that won’t ever say to you, “Wait, I’m busy with the more important people. Can’t you see I’m talking to Randy?” His arms are always open to you because you are His special concern. He is the only One who knows what you need most…Him.

“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love” (John 13:9).

From My Radical Heart

A few years ago, when this blog was born, motivation came from my memories of revival. True revival, like I experienced in the 60s when I met Christ in the Jesus Movement. Writing a new book answering the question, “Whatever happened to the Jesus Movement?” I couldn’t deny my disappointment with the state of the church today. Not my personal church, Church of the Open Door, but the church in general.

The answer to that question, “Whatever happened to the Jesus Movement” re-radicalized my heart. A growing dissatisfaction with the caricature of Christianity we’ve settled for moved me to see if there were others like me.

First I finished the book, Reborn to Be Wild, and then I started this little blog.

Jello Through a Straw

And then people started writing me to tell me how they felt about church. Pretty discouraging. Most feel like they’re stuck in church purgatory, that meaningless shadow of religious doings driven by guilt and shame and led by ego maniacs building their personal fiefdoms masquerading as visionaries who are cheered by the churchiest of people

Trying to express our worshipful service to Christ through the sick churches of America is like trying to blow Jello through a tiny straw. Keeping Sister Wheatcakes and Brother Blowhard happy is wearing us out.

A Better Option

I have an idea. Let’s tell Brother Blowhard and Sister Wheatcakes what they can do with their controlling church politics and fearful theories of separation. What if we just let them have their McChurches? What if we just walked away and refused to fight? What if we just started praying for revival and looking for churches that did stuff that really mattered? What if we just started telling people about Jesus and encouraging them to follow Him?

Questions:

What if we just threw our straws away and started pouring Living Water into the lives of the hurting, the disenfranchised, the needy, the lonely, the desperate, and the confused?

What if we did that?

Most of my Jesus Movement friends came to Jesus from a mess of a home.

If someone would have told them, “You have an opportunity to be adopted into a new family,” they wouldn’t hesitate.

So when we started reading the Bible and found out that when we believed in Jesus we were placed in His family as children of His Father, we were overwhelmed with gratitude.

How different it is today when I deal with churched Christians. If you say anything about their home of origin, they come unhinged. If you tell them their allegiance to their new family should be stronger than their allegiance to their earthly family, they look at you like you’re a nut.

I think it may be time to start talking about adoption again. When we trusted in Christ we were adopted into God’s family and have full rights to all the privileges of His cherished child! (Romans 8:15)

Maybe if we talked more about our adoption into His family we’d talk less about our rights and privileges here on earth.

That would be a healthy, discipleship step in the right direction.

Question: Do you struggle with being honest about the shortcomings and pathologies of your home of origin?

Martin Luther knew something about revival and a lot about persecution.

The primary reason he was persecuted was his uncompromising stand on the grace of God.

He explained his radical view of grace to his friend, Melanchthon:

If you are a preacher of grace, do not preach a fictitious, but a true grace; and if grace is true, carry a true, and not a fictitious sin. Be a sinner and sin vigorously…. It is sufficient that we recognize the wealth of God’s glory, the lamb who bears the sin of the world; from this, sin does not sever us, even if thousands, thousands of times in one day we should fornicate or murder.”

Now that’s some radical grace.

Interesting, isn’t it? His words are still upsetting the religious and the self-righteous today.

Do these words upset you?

How many fornications and murders in a day would you say the blood of Christ makes payment for?

Are you okay with maybe two or three?

How about lies? Is ten the limit?

What if we overeat only once or twice a week?

How about gossip? How many people do we need to hurt to disqualify ourselves from the grace of God in Christ?

Before you get too upset at the hyperbole from Luther’s pen and the ridiculous idea of someone actually having the time and the energy to commit murder and fornication thousands of times in one day, think about how upset God must be….

…when people who name the name of Christ actually claim to decide for Him what type of and how many sins His Son’s death on the Cross actually made payment for.

If you’ve read this blog for long, know me, or are one of the dozens who have bought my books, you know that I’m a little driven.

Okay, I’m a lot driven.

Recently I was in a Tampa hotel all by myself with everything I needed as a pastor and author to get a LOT OF WORK DONE!

Internet? Check! Free wireless and my trusty MacBook Pro.

Privacy? Check! I didn’t know anyone within a hundred miles. And to make it even better, I had left my cell phone charger at home, so I had to turn it off.

Great ideas? Check! Or at least I think they’re good. I’m working on my first fiction book, another Christian book, about five blogs, doing some editing for some author/publishing friends, and have about a thousand things to do as a pastor of a healthy faith community.

Energy? Focus? Attitude?

NOT CHECK!

I was exhausted.

So, I set my alarm and went to bed…at about 5:30 PM my time!

The next day, I knew that Jesus was saying, “Way to go, Ed. Way to trust Me with your life, your time, and your passion. Now, let’s get to it!”

If Jesus seems distant to you and you’re a hard charger like me, maybe you don’t need to get another assignment done or tell someone about Jesus or even pray.

Maybe what you need to do is trust Him enough to say, “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul (life) to keep.”

…But reading the Bible matters more.

The challenge of finding the best translation of the Bible is a relatively new one, and it is an embarrassment in the English-speaking world where you have a smorgasbord of choices.

In that world, it’s clearly important to make a wise choice. But the best way to move forward as a disciple of Christ is simply to choose one to read and apply. After all, reading and applying the Word of God is what matters most, if we’re looking at the translation controversy from Jesus’ perspective.

But Christians have discovered that after translation number three or four there remains the need to actually read what you’ve chosen. Suddenly, you realize that you have to stop debating translation theory and starting trusting a few good translations.

What an insight! The Spirit is rewarding those who read the Scriptures honestly and openly, whatever the transition. He’s rewarding Christians who give Him access to their heart through the words He inspired. None of this is measured by the “correctness” of the choice of translations.

Billy Graham doesn’t read a better Bible than yours. Neither does Beth Moore. Finding the perfect translation is a silly question, just as finding the perfect church is a nonsensical quest. Instead of debating the nuances of translation theory, it might pay to devote your time reading and praying about what you’ve read.

Question: Am I the only one tired of all the “controversies” like what is the best translation? dominating the Christian landscape today? 

“We revere the Bible, but we don’t read it.”

This quote comes from George Gallup, who should know.

Tyndale House Publisher’s survey showed that 64% of Americans said they did not read the Bible because they’re too busy. 80% feel that the Scriptures are just too confusing and when they read the Bible, they don’t understand it. (The Baptist Standard, December 4, 2000)

There are many reasons why Christians today feel they’re too busy and that the Bible is too confusing to understand, but there are two that I feel the church is responsible for:

1) We’ve developed a consumer mentality in our churches.

I’m all for relevant Bible teaching. I think it’s a crime to bore people with the Word of God. And I’m all for seeker-sensitive cultures. I came to Christ during the Jesus Movement that was the ultimate seeker-sensitive revival.

But my concern is that in trying to make the church relevant and seeker-sensitive we’re listening to the wrong seekers. One of my first reactions when I attend a so-called “seeker” church is, “Show me the seeker!” Often we’re trying to please immature Christians with Sunday show-times that are more exciting than the “seeker” church down the road so that we can swell our numbers and our giving.

The last time I checked, discipleship was costly. And I’m a grace guy. I believe that eternal life is a gift freely given, but once we belong to Christ, He makes costly demands. And one of those demands is that we study His Word.

2) An overreaction to the postmodern generation.

What an arrogant lot we pastors and theologians are. We’ve decided for an entire generation that they’re too shallow, too ADD, and too Sesame-Street to sit still and actually study the Word of God.

Again, I’m all for doing whatever we need to reach the next generation. I’m a Jesus Movement rocker who was part of the generation that refused to dress up for Jesus and listen to religious elevator music.

But I’m in touch with many young and hip pastors who are filling up their churches with 20-Something’s hungry for the Word of God. My friend Britt Merrick leads one of the fastest growing movements in the world right now—Reality Churches. He teaches through the Bible, verse by verse, for 50 minutes every Sunday.

Could it be that some of the reason Americans feel they’re too busy to read the Word of God and that the Word of God is so confusing is because the pastors of America have ignored Paul’s command to Timothy to “Preach the Word”? (2 Timothy 4:2)

Questions: Do you think I’m overreacting? Would you rather have a shallow and fun church or a deep and challenging worship experience? 

I love the Beatles! But it bothers me that a survey of 1000 Americans reported that most of us can name the four Beatles, but few of us can recall even one of the Ten Commandments! (Kelton Research survey, 2007).

“Oh come on, Ed. You’re overreacting. That may be true of everyday Americans, but Christians in America know their Bible better than the Beatles.”

Really? Consider the findings of Gary Brudge, professor of New Testament studies at Wheaton College, Wheaton, Illinois. Wheaton is one of the most prestigious evangelical colleges in America. In an article published in Christianity Today in 1999, Burge exposes the depth of the problem of Biblical illiteracy among American youth with these statistics from a survey of incoming freshmen:

• 1/3 of the students could not put the following Biblical events in their proper order: Abraham, the Old Testament prophets, the death of Christ, and Pentecost.
• Half of them couldn’t remember who came first, Moses, Isaac, and Saul.
• 1/3 were unable to name the book of Acts as the book containing Paul’s missionary travels.
• 1/3 could not identify Matthew as an apostle from a random list of names.

These students represent the most churched and most committed demographic in America!

Paul, John, George and Ringo made some great music. Every song they ever wrote is on my iTunes. I’ve been listening to them for over forty years.

But it’s the writings of another Paul, Luke, Peter, and another John that have changed my life.

I hope you’ll join me as we journey through all 66 books of the Bible in 2012-13. Let’s do our part to improve the Biblical literacy of God’s people!

Questions: Honestly, how do you think you would have done on a test of your Biblical literacy? 

What did He say?

I spine a lot of time in Mark in 2009—the fast-paced record of Jesus’ works and words.

The more I read and meditate, the more I identified with the disciples.

They spend their days walking along with Jesus as He does these spectacular miracles and says these wonderful sentences. And just when they think they have figured out their Master, He says something that turns them sideways.

“Hey, wait a minute Jesus. Are you saying that…

…you’re interested in these IRS guys and these prostitutes?”

…you love people who do the will of God more than your own mother?”

…we shouldn’t be afraid of these huge waves in this little boat?”

…we should tell these thousands of people that we’re going to feed them?”

…you’re really not interested in all these religious rules we grew up with?”

…rich people aren’t God’s favorites?”

…we can’t just make religious excuses to throw away our marriages?”

…we have to give up to gain, lose to win, serve to be great, suffer to follow?”

I know how they feel, don’t you?

Jesus said…

Jesus always tells me more than I can understand, but not as much as I want to know.

He tells me that somehow if I give my money to Him, I will end up with more to give to Him.

He tells me that if I love Judy with sacrificial love, I’ll receive the blessing.

He tells me that if I’m willing to suffer and serve, I’m on the road to true happiness.

He tells me that if I pay less attention to the people the world thinks are great and more attention to the powerless and poor, the homeless and hungry, the IRS agents and whores, I will make Him happy.

But Jesus didn’t say…

But He refuses to tell me exactly what He wants me to do today, or how to make sure that nothing goes wrong in my week, or how to avoid pain this year, or why He’s allowing our nation to become so wicked, or why some of my friends are sick and dying, or if He’s going to let me continue living with leukemia.

I guess that’s what it takes to follow the Living God who refuses to submit His power to my will: Trust!

The older I get, the more I feel like the desperate father who begged Jesus to deliver his tormented son. When Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes,” he responded honestly and in tears, “Lord I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)