The Spiritual Impact of Your Marriage

A lot of good teaching about Christian marriage concentrates on the happiness of marriage. I’ve read a lot of these and recommend many in premarital and marital counseling.

The Apostle Peter, who I’m sure would agree that the biblical teachings on marriage would build a happier more fulfilling one-flesh union, gives Christians another reason to listen to what God says about it in 1 Peter 3:1-7.

This section of Peter’s letter tells devoted disciples of Christ how to relate to this alien and hurtful world. He’s primarily concerned with the spiritual impact of our lives rather than our personal happiness. “Likewise,” or “In the same way…” introduces the commands to both wives (v 1) and husbands (v 7) by referring back to Christ’s deference to authority even when it was unfair because He entrusted Himself to the Father’s will and purposes (2:21-25).

His call to selfless, Christlike behaviors challenges wife and husband to respect and honor one another for the sake of Christ’s work in one another, their family, their communities, and their world.

Wives who trust God enough to respect their husbands in Sarah-like ways, regardless of his spirituality or maturity, maximize the spiritual impact of the marriage.

Husbands who trust God enough to honor their wives as coheirs of the grace of life by relating to them in understanding and sensitive ways, maximize their prayer life.

The principle is clear: Instead of thinking about yourself, think about the spiritual impact of your marriage.

Here are a few practical ways every husband and wife reading these words can deepen the spiritual impact of his or her marriage through mutual respect and honor.

Respect is for every Christian, but especially for wives in the marriage relationship, and involves four things, according to 1 Peter 3:1-6:

• An attitude of entrusting yourself to God (2:23-25)

• Requiring respectful behavior (3:1-2)

• Involving the development of godly character (3:3-5)

• Including doing what is right (3:6)

Honor is for every Christian, but especially for husbands in the marriage relationship, and involves four things, according to 1 Peter 3:7:

• Active listening

• Thorough study of temperament, personality, and thought patterns

• Understanding of the other person rather than demanding to be understood

• Knowledge of God’s will concerning the treatment of the other person

But for every Christian, honor and submission have much more to do with trusting God than they have to do with personal gain, insights, or discipline.

For me and my Judy—my spirited, green-eyed beauty—growing in these categories of mutual respect and honor has made every difference. Not only in the happiness of our marriage, but in its impact on our children, our communities, and our world.

However, our growth has had much more to do with trusting God than memorizing verses or trying to be better. In the heat of the inevitable clashes of two egos, especially mine; we have to remind ourselves, “Respect and honor, respect and honor—these are words from my Father who delights in us. These are words He stands behind in all of His grace and mercy.